Monster Egg

Took myself to the hospital. Feeling sick. Pretty dizzy.

“Well,” the doctor said. “You’ve got an egg in your head.”

“How?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Monster.”

“A monster put an egg in my head?”

“Yeah, that’s what happened.” He tapped a pen on his notepad. “These monsters mostly kill people in the night. Sometimes, at dawn.”

I touched the back of my head. “But, it didn’t kill me…”

The doctor’s bottom lip stuck out as he shook his head. “Nope. Just put an egg in your head.”

“Why?”

The doctor ruminated. “Well, they can’t kill everybody they come into contact with. They need hosts from time to time.”

“What’s gonna happen to me?”

“When?”

“When it hatches.”

“Oh. The egg? Right. Well…”

He stared through me. Taptaptap on the notepad.

“It’s certainly going to hatch.” The doctor laughed.

“But, what happens to me when it does?”

“Hmm. Yes. Well… Unfortunately, when the egg does hatch, it’s going to be quite unpleasant for you.”

I closed my eyes. “Doctor. What’s gonna happen to me, exactly?”

Again, he laughed. “Well, yes, like I said. It will be quite unpleasant.”

Taptaptaptaptaptap.

The doctor went on. “When the monster hatches, it’ll claw its way out of the shell. The egg is in your brain, remember. So, at that time, you’ll probably have a stroke.” He laughed. Paused. Continued. “Then, of course, it will want to find its way out of your head. So, it’ll bore downward through your brain matter until it reaches your esophagus.”

I shook my head. Spoke quietly to myself. “This can’t be happening.”

“From there, the little devil will burst out of your mouth. Taking your tongue with it. Its first meal!” The doctor couldn’t contain his deep giggles.

“You’ve gotta help me,” I pleaded. “Tell me. Help me. Please. What can I do?”

He stopped tapping his notepad. Started tapping his chin. “I could write you a prescription for ibuprofen. Or give you a potassium cyanide pill.”

For a moment, I was silent. “Wouldn’t that pill kill me?”

“Well, hopefully.”

I said nothing.

“Of course, I could give you the painkillers and they could possibly help you with the agony. Which, by the by, is only weeks away. And it will be great agony…”

Still, I said not a word.

“Or. I give you one, simple pill. And you die,” he pointed at my head, “it dies, and we are all happy because there isn’t an extra little beastie running around.”

Taptaptaptaptap on the notepad, again.

“And, surely, you don’t want to release something like that into the world?” The doctor stared. “You’re not a monster.”

“No,” I said. “Only in here.”

I tapped my head.

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